I'm sorry

First off, this post may or may not be an apology post. I'm not sure what it really is yet, but I guess we will find out as I write.

 I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't go home and write a post on the day that Mr. Nelson got mad at us all for not posting. I'm sorry I've been a freakin tourist. I was a teacher-aide for Mr. Nelson last year and every single day, I would tell myself I would be a full on artist. I haven't been doing that. I'm sorry I haven't been posting on the blogs or commenting or participated much in class. I'm sorry.

 I'm sorry that one of my biggest fears is being the center of attention and I'm sorry I'm such a coward. This room might be a nest, but I don't even feel comfortable at home.

 I'm sorry, Mr. Nelson, that I have not always been fully invested in the class.

 I'm sorry to all the kids in the class that have been trying to get me to participate. Some days I would just rather break my legs than get up and rap in front of everyone.

 I'm sorry to the kids who have asked me what was wrong and I straight up lied to them. I told them that I was fine. And even though some people might say that "I'm fine" is the biggest lie told each day, I know it's not because I say I'm not hungry at least 200 times a day.

 I'm sorry to anyone I have ever offended. I truly am sorry. If you have a problem with me, please come and talk to me so we can work it out. I will do what I can to show you that I won't judge you and I will be there for you as much as I possibly can.

 I'm sorry to my gerbils. I didn't mean to forget to put your wheel back in your cage. It was squeaking and I was tired and trying to get some sleep. It must be boring in there and I really messed up this time.

 I'm sorry to my parents. I don't mean to hurt your feelings, mom and dad. I just can get very frustrated at times and I always hate that you two are the ones I take it out on most of the time. I guess it's true what they say about how you end up hurting those you love most. I'm sorry I have conformed to that saying.

 I have been sad all day. From the moment I've woken up until 10:42 pm, when I started this blog. My heart has been heavy and my mind has been filled. I have been crying for about an hour and forty-five minutes and I don't know when the tears will stop because my heart has been broken for years and years and I'm still trying to find the pieces of my heart from when I witnessed my grandpa being buried.
This blog turned out to be an apology letter for others. But to me, its an apology letter to myself. Speaking of which, I need to apologize one last time.

 I'm sorry to myself that this post has waited far too long to be written. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Comments

  1. Emily Ruth PewApril 4, 2015 at 7:18 AM

    I hope you put the wheel back in your gerbils' cage.

    I also hope that if the tears ever stopped, you felt better after them.

    ReplyDelete

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