Drifting

 I know I’m not the only person to feel like they’re just getting by in life. To feel each small negative event pull them to a dark emotional state. To feel as though they are just drifting through life, hoping to catch themselves onto something, anything.

I experience tiny joys in my everyday life. My wife’s smile, my son’s laugh, my brother’s jokes, my friend’s kindness. But after a moment or two of happiness, the darkness returns.

I feel tired. Tired of work. Tired of school. Tired of keeping up with people who haven’t reached out to me in years. Tired of trying to keep up a positive image.

Because of my wife, I keep pushing to work hard to provide for her and my son both in school and work. Because of my coworkers, I keep pushing to have a positive attitude when they are exhausted and need motivation. Because of my expectations from others, I push to keep a happy face and better myself because I can’t let another person down.

I feel as though I’m too deep in things to give up on life now.

But damn, it hurts.