Here we are again. New semester, new classes, new teachers. Same faces. And with only a semester of school left, this will be it. No more new classes. No posting schedules on Instagram or Facebook with the caption of "Any classes anyone???" This is it. For all the Dallin Ferrels, Jake Ervings, and Ben Clarks. It's time to fight on and reach our peak. Or so we have been told for the last three years of our lives. And for the first two years, I have just been getting by. I do not know what would have happened if I hadn't taken Mr. Nelson's class in 10th grade. That class was where I felt alive in one of the deadest places in all of Utah valley from 7:45 to 2:15 on Mondays to Fridays. If I hadn't taken that class, I probably wouldn't have been in Creative Writing and not have been in this class. If I were to map out my high school life for you all, you all would see things that may make some of you cry. But then again, maybe not. I was never a football or ...
I know I’m not the only person to feel like they’re just getting by in life. To feel each small negative event pull them to a dark emotional state. To feel as though they are just drifting through life, hoping to catch themselves onto something, anything. I experience tiny joys in my everyday life. My wife’s smile, my son’s laugh, my brother’s jokes, my friend’s kindness. But after a moment or two of happiness, the darkness returns. I feel tired. Tired of work. Tired of school. Tired of keeping up with people who haven’t reached out to me in years. Tired of trying to keep up a positive image. Because of my wife, I keep pushing to work hard to provide for her and my son both in school and work. Because of my coworkers, I keep pushing to have a positive attitude when they are exhausted and need motivation. Because of my expectations from others, I push to keep a happy face and better myself because I can’t let another person down. I feel as though I’m too deep in things to give up o...
I'm not sure whether or not I want to actually post this. I'm afraid that people will see me differently than they do now. I don't want that. Or maybe I do. I'm still just trying to figure out who I am as a person and people expect me to be applying for college and leave everything for 2 years and get good grades and keep a job and be kind to everyone and I just don't feel there is enough time for everything. I don't want this to sound like I'm revealing my pen name, but here goes nothing. My name is Tanner Johanson. I was almost named Dylan, but my parents decided to switch at the last second. I've always been quiet until you get to know me. I don't have very much self confidence, but I barely make it by with what I got. I feel more pressure than is needed. I don't like school, but I tell people to go there and learn as much as possible. I tutor, yet I don't do my own homework. My actions and words are pretty hypocritical and I hate that...
That death one is too good.
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