Drafts of the Insomniac

I'm afraid of this post. I'm afraid of every post. I'm scared people will look at my writing and say it sucks and laugh at it for the wrong reasons. I'm afraid to let my thoughts and feelings flow so freely. I'm afraid to speak in class because I never have the right ideas. I'm afraid to not speak up because answers are wrong and I fear being disliked more than being wrong. I fear I'm becoming a contradiction to myself. I fear losing myself. Mentally, not necessarily physically. I fear going left when I should have gone right. I fear going right when I should have gone left. But now I just have no idea where I'm headed. I'm scared of losing you, and her, and him, and them. I'm scared of losing me. I think I got lost and there are no road signs back home.  The sun may be shining, but it's too dark to put on sunglasses with my eyes.  Being swallowed by the dark emptiness I feel every night when I ca...

I want a pug so badly!!!

Let me start out by saying there isn't a formula or a secret recipe to get you through life.  If there was, I would still get the ingredients mixed up. But I don't have the right measurements for the job. And although something may be cooking in the kitchen, it isn't what I was hoping for. I think I may have added too much failure in the mixture and now the ceiling is painted black with smoke and the smell of fire is drowning out the smell of my fresh baked success. The smoke alarm is broken because I got tired of the beeping and smashed it with a baseball bat. I called the fire department but they were busy celebrating a birthday. I wasn't even invited to it. I quickly grab for a bottle of loneliness to quench the fire but the flames are blazing and one bottle won't do much besides irritate the flames. As I render my endeavors useless, I sink to the floor with my head in my hands, accepting full defeat. I can hear the fire cr...

In no particular order or anything, here you go! (Drum roll please) Hancock Cornelia Boom ivory ellis Navy Skye Eleanor Douglas

I really enjoy this poem, so here you go: Jefferson Bethke- The Greatest Artist Of All Time A guy came up to me the other night, right, and he was like who is your favorite artist, and like most people do when they ask you that, he didn’t really want to listen to what my answer was. And he continued about a struggle to recognize who he said was the greatest of all time. He said, I mean is it Shakespeare, is it Frost, is it Picasso, Michelangelo, is it Rembrandt, Beethoven, Michael Jackson, Justin Bieber. Okay, he didn’t really say that, that part was me, I’m a fan, what can I say. Bieber fever. But he said, whoever is lyrically the strongest, and said, whoever has lived the longest and he went on, and on, and on about who he thought was the greatest, not realizing even his infrastructure to answer that question was misled and outdated. So finally, I kindly smiled and said, okay, sir you asked me who is The Greatest of All Time, now you tried to share yours, so let me share min...

Trying to get the attention of that special someone??? Here are some lines that may help you with getting a date!!! So what was it like, falling out of heaven? You don't seem bruised at all. If you were a taser, the entire room would be stunned. Am I dying? You have to know. You're an angel, right? Do you have a bandaid? I scraped my knee when I fell for you. You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day. Are they LDS because we live in Utah? We have that covered too!!!  I just got off my mission, and I’m looking for my next companion.    Is your name Virtue? Because you’ve been garnishing my thoughts unceasingly.  You seem familiar. Did we meet in the pre-existence?  Guy says: “You know, I’m constantly on a spiritual high.” Girl: “Oh yeah? Why?” Guy: “Because not even Moses got to see a vision every day—and I get to see you.”  Even with the Liahona, I ...

My name is not Dorothy, but I am trying to find my way back to Kansas. You know, Kansas. The place where I feel best about myself? Maybe you don't know, but take it from someone who yearns for that place. I wanna go back to those days. If I could, I would take all my friends to see the good me. The me that still believed in invincibility. The me that didn't know that for some people, Santa was a creepy, forty year old that wore a wife beater and got stoned every other day. I want them to see the boy who didn't understand the concept of pain and sadness. The boy who cried because he saw his dad crying, but still didn't understand why. The boy who would laugh and smile all day for no reason other than why not. I want to show my family and my friends and my peers all that I once was. Show them what the real world can do to someone who has absolutely no problem with life. Let me have that frame of mind back. At least for a da...